AUGUST 27 2000

Today is SC's 17th anniversary. Yet another year went by with little to no recognition... Perhaps we are all doomed to live out the rest of our lives doing the meaningless things we tend to do.  Sad how the dreams of Terry and myself have gone to hell. Perhaps it would be better if we had some sort of ambition in out hearts.. we have the talent and creativity down, but no ambition... who do we blame for this? Is it the fault of grunge music, the whole slacker thing that we grew up with? Perhaps it is the fault of all rock and roll in general... what passes for rock these days anyway? Is it Korn and Limp Bizkit and Slip Knot and all that? Cuz if it is, I don't wanna be a part of that any more. Is SC just a bunch of dinosaurs who are afraid to live in the future? I ponder these thoughts all the time.. what is it that we are doing wrong? I am convinced that no one likes anything we are doing any more... but really, what are WE doing? All I see is me doing music by myself, and Paul making films by himself, and Scott doing sick things to animal carcasses, and wasps by himself, and I don't know what the hell Terry does. Perhaps it is because we have all separated... divided we fall and all that. The last three or four songs I have made sound more like techno than even industrial, forget about rock and roll, or punk... what the hell has happened to me. Today my guitar fell to pieces, the low E string snapped in half and my bridge broke off, and the wires inside connecting the pick-ups snapped in half.... Like what the hell does that all mean? Like am I being told something here? Perhaps I will just give it all up... It has been years since I felt my music like I want to anyway. I remember the last time my music really hit me. It was the last time we played at the unicorn, and all the kids in the audience were yelling for us to play squid from hell, just everybody out there cheering and singing along and happy, I was in a trance or something, it could easily be compared to the birth of my son, or falling in love for the first time... I guess it is hard to explain... but you can't get there when you are by your self in your room still making music, but there is no one else to hear, and no one to do it with, concerned more about the different tracks and over dubs, and sound effects to care about the passion of it all... It all sounds better, but at what cost? I would give it all up in a second just to have me and Terry and Scott playing at a party somewhere every weekend again, where every one was happy just to hear us, no matter how much we sucked. Just to have some one clapping for you being you. Once you hear that sound, you will never be the same again, and I haven't been. Sorry about all this. I tend to get rather nostalgic on this day every year. I think that the SC festival for the 15th anniversary may have been the end, and no one knew it at the time. I couldn't have asked for more though... All day long in a garage, I much rather playing in a garage or a basement or whatever than a bar, I don't know why... every one was there, we all played the music we loved, watched the films we made... it was wonderful. And that is all I need.
Well, i  guess I am the only one to say it again, but happy anniversary to SC, and thanks for everything you have done for my life.

AUGUST 10 2000

Ahhhh... so you all thought I was back... but I fooled the lot of you. As you can all see I have been busy making sweet music with my new found partner Elaine from Britain.  Other than that I have been doing what I tend to do.. which isn't very exciting. but such is the way of my life. What I would like to know is why the kids these days don't appreciate good hippy music.... like what is up? I don't think teenagers go any further than the 1990s to find music any more, it is to distressing... of course I am generalizing again, but I think I have a point in there somewhere... well I am tiered, and I have to pick up the children of the future soon. I will do everything in my power to subject my children to all the good things in life... I remember when I was in high school, any one who was remotely cool was a die-hard jane's addiction fan.... I wonder if kids these days even know who Jane's addiction is? And would it still make them cool? Perhaps I am just jaded and old.... I am going to be 25 next month, an event I am not looking forward to... like that is fucking old, man. I will join the quarter century club... perhaps that's what 'no quarter' is really about... But led zeppelin worshipped the devil, so who knows. I should go, before I say anything more.